I want to tell you so many things about me, but these things, for now at least, will remain private. It is something I struggle with daily, and it is the bad reason why my blog remains silent sometimes (as opposed when I need to spend time with my husband and girls…that’s the good reason).
This year, however, I want to change that. I want to move past these hurdles that are in my head and in my heart and realize my dream, which is to basically do what I love while supporting my family. I cannot turn back time and be an art major instead of a science major. But it is not too late to try, even as I live the last 5 months of my thirties.
I chose this word of the year to get me moving. To do. To get past. To jump over those hurdles. To create.
And to once and for all, stop behavior that stops me from moving.
My word of the year is…
Last week for me was a rough week. Negativity that I’ve been trying to lay to rest for almost 20 years unexpectedly sprang up and paralyzed me. It was one of those times where I thought I had done everything right, but in the end it was of no use. I felt like a fool, and so disappointed.
Anyways, I allowed myself to wallow. Part of me doesn’t regret allowing myself to rest and vent to my husband and best friend (thank you to you both, I love you). It’s funny because I had JUST set a goal to post 3 times a week (one tutorial, one list of 5 inspiring things to feature others, and one anything).
But as I look back, I wasted so much time on something that was so out of my control, so hopelessly finished and so not worth it. I don’t want this to happen again. The negative naysayers would want me to be frozen in fear and do nothing and prove them right so they can clobber me all over again.
I know I’m capable of more. Maybe the experience last week was the “rock bottom” I needed to look at myself and say eew what is up with you.
Oh I wish I could tell you more, because I’m sure there are those of you out there that have gone through what I am going through. Maybe someday.
For now, I’m focusing on moving, doing, creating.
Yo Steph, Just GO!
PS. I think this time last year, my word would have been START, and the year before would definitely have been PEACE.
Linking: The Lettered Cottage